Scarred Angel
by amaratenou2002
Summary: Told from Rinoa's point of view, she deals with a psychiatrist, an abusive boyfriend, and painful memories of home by taking a blade to her arm. NOT for Seifer fans
1. The First Session

Important Note: I've seen a lot of stories about Squall going to a mental home or having a problem like schizophrenia, but I've never seen one of this sort about Rinoa. Anyway, this is just a story and I don't want to hear any complaining about how it's not realistic like on one of my favorite stories: "Reign of Shadows" by Dark Raion. If you haven't checked that one out it's pretty good I highly recommend people to read it. Now, on with the story.  
  
P.s. Flames are welcome as long as you don't rip me apart, thank you.  
  
For my friend Lindsay Christenson.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
If you've ever passed me in the hall or stopped to have a brief conversation with me then you'd probably be surprised by my little incident. Even my friends were but they only knew what was on the surface. They didn't know that a great pain had built up inside me, waiting to be freed. The pain is invisible yet the most hurtful at the same time. It's easier to recover from a broken bone rather than a broken spirit. I'm not sure what exactly caused me to create the incident. Maybe it was just a bad day or maybe my heart just couldn't take anymore and spilled out too many hurtful things at one time. I can't remember. At any rate, today is my first session with Dr. Lee Christenson. I feel nervous; as though it's some big exam my life depends on passing. I take a deep breath and push through the door. She has agreed to meet me in Balamb Garden's medical room. I take a seat on the cot. She stays in the chair in a corner. Her hair is short, sandy blonde, her eyes blue to match, and I find her clothes to be out of the ordinary- or at least not what I was expecting. Instead of a professional looking suit she has on jeans and a loose shirt.  
  
"Tell me about your boyfriend," she says without looking up from her papers. "And start with something easy. How did you meet him?"  
  
How did I meet my boyfriend? I guess that's an innocent topic. As I thought it over, I listened to the rhythm of the ticking clock hanging on the wall. Each precious second seemed to melt together, forming the flow of time. I felt as though I was reliving the day I met him. It was the first time I had ever been at Garden. When I first heard about the place- well, let me just say I didn't come to the conclusion that it was a sort of military zone. I don't know why I even wanted to go there in the first place. Change of scenery maybe? At any rate, I was drawn to this place and there I stood like a child in an unfamiliar crowd, lost. A woman with blonde hair and a black uniform came up to me and asked me where I was supposed to be. I stuttered, "I- uh, I- I'm new."  
  
"Follow me then," she said. Her voice had a nicer tone to it this time. "I'm Instructor Trepe, but go ahead and call me Quistis." I followed her around the circular hallway; it's arms reaching out to different places. After I got a dorm, she gave me a brief tour of the place. The Training Center was the most appealing thing to me.  
  
"You got a new one, Trepe?" a man called. He made his way over to us. His gray jacket slid on the ground behind him and he carried some strange blade in his hand. We made eye contact. His gaze was unwelcoming and sent a warning signal in my mind to stay away from him, but at the same time, I was intrigued.  
  
"Yes, she's new. I was just giving her a tour but we'll be going to Headmaster Cid's office now so goodbye." She turned me around and brought me back out in the hall. As we rode the elevator up I asked who the man was. "That's Seifer Almasy. You'd be smart to steer clear of him. Well now, let's get you enrolled, hm?" I nodded. The elevator bell gave a short chirp and the doors opened on cue, setting us free from the moving box. Headmaster Cid's office was different in an interesting way. There were large windows behind his chair; he didn't even have a desk.  
  
He stood and shook my hand saying, "Welcome to Balamb Garden." He had small glasses resting on his nose and had to be in his fifties at least. His wife, however, looked younger. She joined his side as I introduced myself.  
  
"I'm Rinoa Heartilly," I said. "This place is beautiful. I love it."  
  
"We're glad to hear that. Call me Cid and this is my wife, Edea." They assigned me a homeroom and gave me the basic information I needed to know to get through the day.  
  
My first day of homeroom, I was late. When I walked in I immediately made eye contact with Seifer. It was hard to force myself to look away but I managed. I took the open seat behind a man in black leather jacket. "Mr. Leonhart," Quistis addressed, the man looked up. "Please help Ms. Heartilly with her computer panel." He nodded and sat next to me.  
  
"Hi," I whispered. "I'm Rinoa."  
  
He whispered back, "Squall. Seifer told me you came in yesterday. You might want to stay away from him." After saying that, he taught me how to use the control panel.  
  
Now I know what you're thinking and before you draw any conclusions, I'm not dating Squall. I'm dating Seifer. I came to Garden last year and started dating him eight months ago. Everyone tells me that's when my "episodes" started but really they just hadn't noticed before. I didn't need the pain as much before.  
  
"Rinoa," Dr. Christenson says, startling me out of thought, "how did you meet your boyfriend?"  
  
"Quistis introduced us... sort of," I told her. "I loved his eyes. They were so evil but I liked to stare at them."  
  
"Tell me a little about him. What's he like?"  
  
"Well, he's a very proud person, very determinate. He, uh, he doesn't like to get into really personal conversations."  
  
"Then how did you get to know him?"  
  
"It was difficult," I admitted. It was too. It took a lot of pestering and getting nagged at. One day I had a break through. I followed him to the Training Center. He was fighting off some weird monster with twiggy arms. When he finished it off, I came up behind him and said, "Hi Seifer."  
  
He gave me a look and said, "What do you want?"  
  
"Just came to talk. My name's Rinoa."  
  
"I know who you are and I don't want to talk."  
  
"Can I train with you then? I wont get in the way, I promise." An evil grin crossed his face that made me shiver out of fear and excitement.  
  
"Okay," he said, "but you have to fight me." I decided to give it a try so I agreed. Immediately he came at me and before I knew it I was on my back, staring at the ceiling. He loomed over me with a smirk. I kipped back up to my feet. I tried to hit him but he caught my wrist and twisted it so I gave him a swift kick against his shoulder. He hit me. I was a little shocked. "I don't follow that 'guys shouldn't hit girls' rule." He hit me again and I fell hard on the ground this time. My face stung and I was dizzy. He was surprised when I kicked his legs out from under him.  
  
"Should we call it a draw?" I asked after I got up.  
  
"For now." Then he left. The next time I saw him, we actually talked. It was the first and last serious conversation we'd have. Somehow we got on the subject of parents. He told me he didn't know his. He'd been in an orphanage for as long as he could remember. I asked him when he came to Garden. "They shut the orphanage down when I was six or seven," he said. "Cid's wife was running it and brought us here instead. How the hell did you find your way to Balamb Garden from Deling? Why not just go to Galbadia?"  
  
"Because I wanted to be away from my dad, 'General' Caraway," I said his name in a mocking tone. "Anyway he's got a connection with that place so I found one out of his range."  
  
"Why were you trying to get away from him? Did he ground you?" It was a joke, he didn't really care and I didn't bother to answer him. Instead I talked about my mother who died when I was about four or five. He didn't have a reaction so I had no idea what he was thinking. I figured he didn't care about that either. Anyway, after that talk I began to look at him from another perspective. I was in love.  
  
"I just talked to him," I told Dr. Christenson. "He's not a brick wall."  
  
She said, "You seem threatened by that question. Do you want to change the subject?" I shrugged. "Well, do you want to tell me a little about your friends?"  
  
"Um, sure, why not. Squall is probably my best friend. There's not a lot I can't tell him. He's pretty understanding. He knows what to say when something needs to be said." Squall started talking to me regularly when I was beginning to show more interest in Seifer. Even now I think Quistis put him up to it but she didn't make him keep to it. I was sitting in the cafeteria when he approached me for the first time. I motioned for him to take a seat. "What can I do for you?"  
  
He said, "Actually, I just came to talk."  
  
"Oh, okay. So what's up?"  
  
"Nothing really. What's up with you?"  
  
"I'm eating."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
I laughed, "It's fine. Don't worry about it. So Squall what do you want to talk about?"  
  
He shrugged then asked, "How have things been going?"  
  
"Great. Well, okay, it's not that great. Seifer wont let me train with him. I mean, he'll do it one on one but not together against monsters. He says I'll get in his way."  
  
"You can train with me. Uh, if you want to of course you don't have to."  
  
"I'd like that, really. Thank you. Do you know a lot of people around here?"  
  
"Mm, I guess so."  
  
"Would you like to introduce me to some? I need some friends," I told him. "Plus, I wanted to see who your girlfriend is."  
  
He said, "Who told you I had a girlfriend?"  
  
"No one, I just assumed you did."  
  
"Well I don't."  
  
"What? You don't? You're lying. Quit lying," I laughed. He smiled a little and shook his head. He should smile more often ... or not; whenever he does I want to kiss him and that would ruin everything with Seifer. I smiled back and stared at the floor. That was the start of my friendship with Squall.  
  
"Selphie comes next," I said. "I usually talk to her about boys and stuff. Anything I don't talk about with Squall, you know." It took a while for Squall to introduce me to people. He kept me away from them like I was a sacred treasure or something. He still does that every once in a while. Well when he finally introduced Selphie and I to each other, it was like we'd always been friends without actually knowing each other. "Then there's Zell. He's better friends with Squall than with me. Zell's a little crazy and he gets on Quistis's nerves but I think they like each other. Quistis is someone I only talk to once in a while. And Selphie's boyfriend, Irvine is pretty nice. He tries to offer up advice when I'm crying in Selphie's room."  
  
Dr. Christenson nodded and said, "What about your father? What kind of relationship do you have with him?"  
  
"My dad? ..." It's too soon. I can't talk about him. In fact, I shouldn't do it at all, he could find out and I'd get in trouble. Plus, it's none of her business anyway. "Can we stop now?"  
  
"Of course. Would it bother you if I came to see you next week?" I only nodded. I needed to get out of here. My head's spinning and I can't feel my body move. I'm no longer in control. Somehow I managed to get to Squall's room. His gunblade case was wide open. I held the gunblade with one hand so the smooth side rested on the ground and the sharp side pointed toward the ceiling. It's cold metal teased me in a silent way as I slid my arm warmer up. My arm stung with the awakening pain I needed as I added to the scars. Blood trickled down and pooled on the floor.  
  
"Rinoa, what are you doing?" Squall asked. No doubt it was a rhetorical question. I stood to run but he grabbed me. My body thrashed against his to get away. It was no use. I gave up and he had me sit on the bed where he wrapped up my wrist. "Better now?"  
  
"I don't know," I said sarcastically, "maybe now you can get me some ice cream to dry my tears." He laughed a little. Oh God that smile.  
  
"You always have a dry sense of humor at bad times."  
  
"And you always laugh."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, I probably shouldn't either. By the way, Seifer is looking for you."  
  
"Okay. Where is he?"  
  
"Training Center as usual."  
  
Before I left, I stopped in the doorway and said, "Squall, please don't tell Seifer."  
  
"I wont." That's the thing with Squall. If I ask him not to tell on me when I cut myself eh wont unless it's really serious. He's afraid of losing my trust.  
  
Seifer was in the Training Center, sparring with someone. I didn't want to go over there, but who was he fighting with? I looked and saw some guy I didn't recognized. Why the hell was I so worried about it? I waited until the man was gone to go over there. "Hey Seifer," I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He pecked me lightly on the lips before taking my arms off him. Seifer was never the type for embracing. "What did you want?"  
  
"Your session done already?" he asked. "So are you all done with it then?"  
  
"No. I have to go next week too."  
  
"When? What time?"  
  
"I don't know. Why all the questions?" He didn't answer me, he just walked away. I sighed and followed him. We went back to his room where he "had his way with me" so to speak and I was lost in thought.  
  
- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - - - -  
  
That is the first chapter. Is anyone interested in me continuing? 


	2. What's It Like to Drown?

That night, after Seifer fell asleep, I went out in the hall and sat by the fountain. The first week Seifer and I dated was great before it slowly went to hell. I remember when I began to notice the change. It was around the time I started staying in Seifer's room. H was trying to get me to sleep with him. By that I mean have sex with him. Anyway, I didn't want to because I was kind of scared and at that time no one knew about the scars hidden under my arm warmers. If I slept with him they'd be discovered. I told him right off that I wasn't ready. He just said, "I knew you'd say that. It's not that big of a deal, Rinoa."  
  
"Seifer, we've been together a little over a week," I reminded him. "You act like we've been together months." Maybe it was the tone of my voice or maybe he felt rejected. Whatever it was made him angry and he grabbed a hold of my wrist, twisting my arm behind my back. I could feel the tears rising but I didn't want him to see he could make me cry so I sucked it up. "Please stop," I mumbled. "I'm not ready yet and nothing you do will change that." At that moment he hit me in the back of the head and threw me out. I slept on the floor in Selphie's room that night.  
  
Seifer's temper has always scared me. It's hard to believe that those cold blue eyes could get colder, but they did. I can't honestly say he hasn't hit me. It's happened on more than one occasion. When he saw my scars, he went all out. It was one of the first times Squall rescued me from Seifer. Instead of being worried about me, Seifer was furious. And I remember being hit in the face. I was so surprised by it that I was knocked down. He started kicking me in the gut when I started screaming. I may have coughed up a little blood. Well, Squall came in and had a little quarrel with Seifer before dragging me out of there. I cried on him for a while as he cleaned me up. I made another mistake that I got slapped for in the morning. I slept in Squall's bed with him. It didn't matter that we hadn't even done anything. It was just the fact that we had been in the same bad together, but I think he was planning on hitting me for Squall did to him anyway.  
  
It took a few months, a few beatings and a lot of convincing before I finally slept with Seifer. But through it I was off in my own world. I kept thinking about different things and different people. I thought about my mother and how much I missed her. I know that's a weird thing to be thinking about while you're supposed to be getting laid. That's just me I guess. Always thinking about weird things at odd times. Sometimes though, I wonder if any of this would have happened if my mother were still alive. Would I ever even have met these people? Probably not. If I wasn't thinking about that, I thought about what I might be doing right now if I was still at home. You know, I don't think there's ever been a time when I've actually concentrated on what Seifer did to me. I don't think he's ever noticed either. Oh well.  
  
As I sit and look into the clear water of the fountain, I wonder what it's like to drown. Someone told me that you could live three minutes without air. Whether it's true or not, if I were to commit suicide I wouldn't choose to drown. I mean, for me, I'd be all determined to do it and then while I was waiting to die, I'd start to think. You know how if you want to do something, you think about it and back down? That's exactly what I would do so at the last minute, I'd chicken out. If I decided to kill myself it'd have to be quick, but I don't have plans for anything that drastic yet.  
  
Selphie sat next to me. "Is there something wrong?" she asked.  
  
I said, "Just couldn't sleep."  
  
"How did things go with the psychiatrist, Dr. Christenson?"  
  
"It went ... fine, I guess." I couldn't possibly say how much the subject of my dad had hurt. I've never told any of them about him and I choose to keep them clueless. "What did you do today?"  
  
"Irvine took me to Deling for some shopping. It was fun, you should come next time."  
  
"Okay maybe I will."  
  
"Good." She patted my shoulder and changed the subject, "Are things okay with Seifer?" Her voice was in a whisper like she was afraid he'd hear her. I would be too. Seifer is not a force to be reckoned with.  
  
"Fine. Why? Did someone say something about him?"  
  
"No ... Never mind. I'm going back to bed. If you need anything I'll be there."  
  
"Thanks Selphie."  
  
"You bet." She waved and walked off. I don't remember doing so but I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up, I was on the bench by the fountain. The halls were empty so I thought it was early morning but then I saw Zell run by. He's always late for homeroom. Shit. I was still tired and for some reason my legs hurt as I made my way to the elevator. The glowing buttons weren't even bright but looking at them made my eyes sting. On the second floor, I leaned against the rail and looked over the edge. It wasn't that far to the bottom. I bet if I tried I could make it without a scratch. I stepped up on it, balanced myself and closed my eyes. Something wrapped around my waist.  
  
"Rinoa," a soothing male voice started, "what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Squall. He's always worried about me. When I finally looked at him, I stared at the beautiful blue pools that made up his eyes. He looked kind of sad.  
  
I sighed and said, "Why did you do that? I was trying to do something."  
  
"What, exactly?"  
  
"Forget it. You wouldn't understand," I told him in a snotty tone. A hurt look crossed his face. "Is homeroom over?"  
  
"Yes," he practically whispered. He headed for the elevator.  
  
"Squall, wait." The doors shut and I just stood there. I've never hurt Squall before. I've always made him smile. I feel so bad. Maybe I should go back and say something. But what? Well, no chance for that now, here comes Seifer. He whistles at me like I'm some kind of dog. I obey and follow him into the elevator. "Where are we going?" I asked.  
  
He said, "Actually I have to go to Dollet. You don't need to come with me. I'll be back in a few days. You think you can handle being by yourself?"  
  
"Yeah but why do you have to go?"  
  
"Instructor Trepe asked me to run an errand there for her." He was gone half an hour later and for some reason I was a little mad. The first day he was gone, I was bored to death. I wanted to apologize to Squall but I couldn't find him anywhere. His room door was shut. When I knocked he didn't answer. Selphie spent a majority of her time with Irvine so I went to talk to Quistis. She didn't have a lot to say either. I asked her what errand she sent Seifer on. She just looked at me.  
  
"I didn't send Seifer anywhere," she said.  
  
"Oh," I said feeling dumber than ever. "I must've misunderstood him. I'm sorry." As soon as I apologized, I fled the room. I needed to find out why he left so I took the train from Balamb to Timber, from Timber to Dollet and wandered the streets aimlessly. If I wasn't up to anything important I'd go look at the lights and their beautiful reflection off the water. Somehow I ended up in the bar. From upstairs a familiar voice floated down to me. Slowly I crawled up the steps and took a peek of what was overhead. There was Seifer sitting at a table, having a drink as he swooned the girl next to him. But I knew it wasn't just some random woman because ...they were discussing when he was finally going to leave me for her.  
  
I stumbled out of the bar lie a drunk even though I hadn't touched any alcohol. Everything seemed surreal. I couldn't feel my body moving. From somewhere nearby I watched myself make my way to the docks. I wrapped my arms around the railing and began to cry. My tears created tiny ripples in the water. Maybe this was my inspiration to finally make me take that fatal plunge. I climbed on the rail just like I did at Garden and let my body crash into the water. I was enveloped in the darkness of unfamiliar territory. I opened my eyes so I could try to see the bottom but it was just an endless pit of nothingness. Soon I would be just a memory to those who knew me. It was like a fairy tale with a spoiled ending. The princess leaves her evil house, finds love that turns out to be a lie and kills herself in the ocean.  
  
- - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
That's the second chapter. Ready for the third? 


	3. Session Two In the Hospital

I don't think anyone is reading this but ... oh well. What can you do?  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Lights blazed down on me, faces I didn't recognize were uncomfortably close to mine, I was wet and cold, and the newt thing I knew there was this burning pain inside my neck as they shoved a tube down my throat. Trying not to gag, I realized I was in a hospital. All the doctors and nurses running around morphed into a blur of colors. Were my eyes watering? A stab of pain rose within my wrist and quickly disappeared. Everything around me was so hectic.  
  
My eyes opened to the bright lights on the ceiling. I must have passed out or something. Footsteps approached the right side of my bed. "Rinoa, why did you do that?" It was Squall. I could recognize his soft voice in my sleep. "Why?" he asked again. I couldn't find my voice to answer him. He sighed and sat down in a chair nearby. I made him upset again. I feel like a horrible person. Poor Squall, always bothering himself with me and my problems. He should really get a girlfriend, or a better friend at least. Dr. Christenson steps in the doorway and dismisses Squall for the time being.  
  
"So, Rinoa," she started, "what made you do what you did tonight?"  
  
I mumbled, "I don't know."  
  
"Did you have a bad day?" I shrugged. "Did something happen?"  
  
"I thought you weren't supposed to come until next week."  
  
"Well when something like this happens, I'd like to know why so I can help."  
  
"You mean it's your job to get into my business."  
  
"Whatever you want to call it," she said. "Do you have anything you'd like to share with me?"  
  
For some reason, I was starting to get mad. "Why don't you tell me what you'd like me to talk about? Do you want me to tell you something sad? Would that make you happy? Well how's this for you: my mom's dead, my dad hates me, and my boyfriends cheating on me! Is that fucking good enough for you?! Huh?!" I burst into tears.  
  
"Is that why you did that? Because of your boyfriend?" I nodded. She placed her hand on my shoulder and I brushed it off.  
  
"Don't touch me."  
  
"Okay, okay. Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"Not now, maybe tomorrow."  
  
She said, "That's fine." She started to leave.  
  
"Wait," I called to her. She looked at back at me. "Can you do me a favor? I don't think I could handle it if Seifer showed up. Do you think you could-"  
  
"Consider it done. See you in the morning."  
  
Sleep wasn't coming to me easily. I kept thinking about Squall. I wonder if he knows that Seifer is cheating on me. What would he do once he found out? Would he do anything to Seifer? Probably not. I think the most he'd do is lecture me. "We told you not to do anything with him," he'd say. I wonder if Seifer is worried about me at all. I'd be surprised if he even knew I was here. Anyways, I'm sure Squall is worried enough about me for the both of them. My dad would be so pissed if he ever found out. That'd give him another reason to be ashamed of me. He's always blamed me for my mother's death, though I'm not sure why. I sighed and tried to get to sleep.  
  
When I woke up, Squall was sitting next to me again. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept at all. I turned on my side to look at him. I mumbled, "Squall, why are you still here? Why don't you go home?" His eyes met mine and I felt like I could see into his soul but I still had no idea what he was thinking.  
  
"I just came to see how you were," he said quietly. "Why do you always get so mad at me? I want to make sure you're okay."  
  
"Has Seifer come by yet?"  
  
"Nope. Are you expecting him?"  
  
"Kind of but if he comes ... could you keep him away from me?" He nodded and asked me what happened last night. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet," I told him. "Can I tell you later, please?"  
  
"Of course." Dr. Christenson walked in and Squall left the room.  
  
"Squall!" He stuck his head in the doorway. "Come back later, okay?" He nodded.  
  
Dr. Christenson, "Feeling a little better this morning?"  
  
"A little," I lied. "So what do you want to know?"  
  
"What happened? Why did you try to drown yourself?"  
  
"I figured it was my calling. I don't have a reason to live unless you count getting hit every time Seifer gets mad about something."  
  
"He hits you?"  
  
I shrugged and said, "Sometimes."  
  
"Has he hit you recently?"  
  
"I don't wanna talk about that anymore." I changed the subject by feeding her the story of what I saw the day before. It was quiet for a minute before Dr. Christenson asked me how that made me feel. "How does that make me feel?! Are you fucking stupid?! He's fucking around with another woman behind my back! How do you think that makes me feel?!"  
  
She sighed, "Rinoa, I just want you to express yourself. I don't want you to feel like you have to hold anything in. Tell me what you think."  
  
"I think you have no idea what you're doing! You can't help me. The only one who can is me and my way does not involve talking. It involves my arm and a knife!"  
  
"Rinoa, you don't strike me as the suicidal type. You wouldn't have done that in front of all those people if you were serious." I just stared at her. "Didn't you notice the boats and the fisherman around you?" There were fishermen there, huh? Now that I think about it, I remember hearing voices muffled by the blanket of water that surrounded me. She said, "How old were you when your mother died?"  
  
"Four or five."  
  
"Do you remember anything about her?"  
  
I smiled. "Oh my mom was beautiful and a singer too. She's very talented. My favorite song's called 'Eyes on Me.' I loved to sit next to her on the piano bench and watch her play. Dad always told me it was my fault that she died."  
  
"Was her relationship with your dad good?"  
  
"Um, yeah. I mean they fought once in a while but everyone does that."  
  
"Did he ever hit her?"  
  
"I don't think so. If he did, I would've known the whole city would have talked about it. It would've got around, you know."  
  
"Did she ever wear make up?"  
  
"Only a few times ... what are you getting at?"  
  
"Think about their relationship for a while." I sighed and just sat there stubbornly, but it didn't take long for my mind to pick up a train of thought. I remember one night I couldn't sleep because they were arguing again. I was worried about mom. She was crying and I could hear the unmistakable sound of flesh hitting flesh. How could I forget that? I felt like I'd pushed out an important part in my life. Back then, I had a plan. I was going to get out of that house and take my mom with me. I felt that I was her rescuer, and now I'd forgotten about it. "Rinoa, how did your mom die?" Dr. Christenson asked. Car accident, I tried to say but nothing would come out. "Did your dad do it?" Tears were rising. This was too much.  
  
"Leave," I mumbled firmly. "Send Squall in here on your way out." She left the room and Squall came back in. I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and crying into his jacket. He stroked my hair a little. I've never gotten this much comfort from Seifer. In fact, he's never tried to comfort me. I can always depend on Squall though. He's never let me down. I couldn't bring myself to talk so I didn't tell Squall why I threw myself in the water and thankfully he didn't ask.  
  
About eight o' clock that night; there was commotion in the hallway. Seifer had finally shown up, unfortunately. He was arguing with the nurses. "She's my fucking girlfriend," he yelled. "I have the right to see her!" Someone told him they had specific orders not to let him through. "What?! Who the fuck ordered that?! Get out of my way! Rinoa! Tell them to let me in!" He came in and looked at me. I shook my head and hid. "Ah you fucking bitch..." One of the guards demanded that he leave. "Alright." Before he left, I heard him whisper, "I'll deal with you when you get home."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
There's the third chapter. Any of you interested in more? 


	4. Train Dream at Timber's Hotel

Seifer's threat stuck in my mind and I was afraid to go back. I told Squall and Dr. Christenson that I was going to stay at a hotel in Timber for a while. Squall said he wanted to go with me. When I thought about it, I didn't know how well I could defend myself if Seifer came after me, so I told Squall yes. Before we left, Dr. Christenson said she'd come by to see me in a few days. We boarded the train. Neither of us spoke the whole way there. When we arrived, Squall asked if I wanted him to sleep on the floor. I said, "No I'd be more comfortable if you stayed in the bed with me. I mean, if you don't care."  
  
"That's fine," he answered shyly. It had been a few days since he'd smiled. I tried to think of something to say to bring it out.  
  
"You know Squall, you can't get aids by sharing a bed."  
  
It worked, he smiled. "Are you saying you have aids?"  
  
"Nope. Just thought I'd tell you. See what you were worried about Actually; I just wanted to make you smile. I love your smile."  
  
"You should've told me that before, maybe I'll do it more often." Never have I wanted to kiss a guy so bad. Okay, so I did want to kiss Seifer but that ended when our relationship got ugly. Now I just do it because that's what couples do. They're supposed to hug and kiss. That's just how it is. For some reason, talking to Squall reminded me of the first time we had a serious conversation. We connected through our loss of people important to us. I lost my mother and he lost his "sister". I say "sister" like that because the girl wasn't actually related to him, or at least, I don't think so. Well, we were sitting on the small balcony in the balcony in the back of the Training Center. Apparently that's the make out spot in Garden. Thankfully nobody was out there when we were. I'm not sure how the conversation started exactly. I think I asked Squall if he ever saw his parents.  
  
"I've never seen my parents," he'd confessed quietly. "I grew up in an orphanage."  
  
"Did you have any family?" I asked.  
  
"Just sis. She disappeared one day though. Never saw her again."  
  
"Do you know what happened to her?"  
  
"No. No one does. Everybody was sad when she left. Then we all left the orphanage because Edea was taking us to Garden. Why did you come here?"  
  
"To get away from my dad," I told him. "He's hated me since my mom died in a car accident when I was little. I miss her so much. We were close even though I was really young."  
  
"I don't think sis is dead but I doubt I'll ever see her again." He shifted uncomfortably and added, "Sorry about your mom." There was more to the conversation but I can't remember the rest.  
  
Now when we talk, we don't seem to say a lot but we don't have to. Squall's been a little sad lately, or that's how his "aurora" feels. If I ask him, he'll either lie or clam up on me. I'll take my chances. "Squall," I said quietly. "Why are you so sad? I mean, you seem so distant."  
  
He said, "I- I don't think we should talk about that. I'm fine. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Okay." Silence hung between us for a few minutes. This felt like hell. I don't know why. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Sometimes that can ruin my mood, even if I'm not thinking about anything upsetting. I need a distraction. A knife, sharp edge, something, anything. I have to stop thinking. This is driving me insane. When I finally stand up I head for the bathroom and shut the door. There has to be something in here. I started going through the medicine cabinet. Nothing but hotel soaps and shampoos. Maybe I can find a store that sells aspirin or something. I came back out of the bathroom and told Squall I was going for a walk. He volunteered to go with me. "No that's fine," I said. "I just want to go see if they have any, uh, feminine products anywhere. You know." He nodded and looked away, obviously embarrassed by the topic. I retreated outside without trying to seem eager.  
  
The air was cool, the wind was blowing, and dark clouds were beginning to take over the sky. It was going to rain. Couldn't come at a better time too. For some reason, I felt like crying. Emotions are weird aren't they? Sometimes you feel something and have no idea why. At least, I get that way. I quickly made my way to a small side shop by the town's pub. When I asked the lady if she had any aspirin she said, "This ain't no drug store."  
  
I felt my face flush as I said, "Well I just thought maybe-"  
  
"Well you thought wrong, girlie. Why don't you go back home? I'm sure it's passed your bedtime." She gave me a smug grin.  
  
"Yeah well maybe you should think about changing your business. You're right by the pub. You might be able to get a drunk guy to pay you for sex. Don't get your hopes up though." She growled. I went inside the pub and ordered a bottle of whiskey. The man asked me for some I.D. so I offered him an extra forty bucks. He agreed. After that, I sat by the train tracks. I broke the bottle against the curb and watched the liquid trickle down the edge, forming a pool of booze and glittering pieces of glass. I broke it again to make a piece I could use then slid the sharp edge against the skin concealed by my arm warmer. Warm blood immediately surfaced. Drops of water began to hit me gently on the head. As I let the pain sink in I stared at the dark pit that the tracks led to. What would it be like to jump in front of a train? Having the last thing you see be the bright lights of the front car? And what if has soon as you jump, you wish you could take it back and end up dying anyway? What would the last thought in your head be? How long would it hurt?  
  
By time all these questions passed through my mind it was raining harder. I slipped my arm warmer back on, kicked the glass near the tracks and made the walk back getting soaked along the way. When I stepped into the room, Squall looked up. "It's raining," I told him.  
  
He said, "I can see that. Rinoa, where were you?" He paused and took my arm. I tried to pull away but he had a firm grip on me. "You're bleeding. You cut yourself again didn't you?" I didn't answer. He slipped the arm warmer off and found something to bandage my cut. The worried look on his face saddened me. Why does he always have to bother himself with my problems? He'd probably be a lot happier if he'd just forget me. Sometimes I wanna scream in his face. Scream so much he'll want to be away from me. I don't want to ruin his life too.  
  
"I'm not worth your time," I mumbled. He just looked at me, showing no sign of annoyance or thinking I was an idiot.  
  
"Why do you say that?" I just shrugged. What did he want me to say? I don't know how to explain myself without making him mad. He sighed a little, apparently giving up, an asked, "Do you have any extra clothes to wear?" I shook my head. "Do you want me to find something for you?"  
  
"No I can manage 'til tomorrow." In the bathroom I threw all my wet clothes in the bathtub with the exception of my shorts and tanktop. Then I climbed in bed next to Squall. My eyes sting because I'm tired but I don't want to go to sleep. Squall is still awake too. I wish I could touch his hair and rest my head on his chest. I shouldn't be thinking that kind of stuff. I have a boyfriend.  
  
It took me a while to fall asleep and I had a weird dream. I was walking through Timber, making my way to the train tracks. It was cold and the sun was just starting to rise but there wasn't the blend of colors in the sky that usually shows up early in the morning. My goal was to throw myself in front of the train. When I arrived at the tracks, I saw the bright headlights coming down the tunnel. I sucked in a breath and got ready for the fall. When the timing was right, I jumped. The last thought in my head was, "I didn't get to tell Squall..." When the train hit me, I shot up in bed, screaming myself awake.  
  
Squall jumped and asked me what was wrong. To tell the truth, there was nothing wrong. I wasn't upset and I wasn't scared. I'm not sure why I screamed, I just ... did. Squall sat up. "Rinoa, what's wrong?" he repeated. "Please tell me." I shook my head and told him it was nothing. He seemed disappointed. He probably thought I was keeping something from him, like I don't trust him. I do trust him, but ... what would his reaction be if I told him I had a dream I jumped in front of a train? I convinced him I was okay and he went back to sleep. I stayed awake the rest of the night.  
  
Dr. Christenson came to see me the next day. She brought some clothes Squall had Selphie pick out. Selphie was about my size. I went in the bathroom and changed. A white jean skirt, a white short-sleeved vest, and a black tank top to go with it. When I came back, Dr. Christenson was sitting on a chair. Squall left earlier to go talk with the others. They were all hanging out on the bridge above the train tracks until my session with Dr. Christenson was over. After that they were coming to visit with me. I took a seat on the bed. I smiled. "So Dr. Christenson, what brings you here?"  
  
"You know why I'm here, Rinoa," she said. "Let's talk a little."  
  
"Okay. About what?"  
  
"Let's start with your father, General Caraway. What happened after your mother died?"  
  
After my mother died, huh? That could easily be summed up. "He hated me."  
  
She sighed, "I thought you'd say that. Tell me when you saw the change."  
  
"There wasn't really a change. It was just more noticeable, you know? Well, I remember the funeral wasn't until the weekend after she died. That week was hell. The day the news reached me about my mom, I cried in my room. One of the servants had to tell me because my dad left right after hearing it. I've always assumed he went to the hospital to see her but..." I shook my head. "With him you never know. Anyway, I cried the whole night. The next day when I woke up, my dad was back. I silently wished he would hug me but I already knew that he wasn't going to happen. I climbed up on a chair next to him. He was reading the paper. When he noticed me, he said, 'Pretty soon your mother's name will be listed in the obituaries.' At the time I had no idea what an obituary was so I didn't say anything back. I wouldn't have anyway.  
  
"He kept making dumb little comments like that. I didn't get it then but when I think about it now, it hurts. That weekend was the funeral. I cried through the service. My tears were stronger than the laughter I felt about the man in the dress. I didn't understand he was a priest and he was in a rock not a dress." I smiled a little at the memory but my smile faded quickly as I continued, "I remember seeing my mom's parents there and I begged them to take me with them. My dad had to force me away from them. We left right after that. I was still crying when we got home. He hit me to get me quiet but that didn't work. One of the servants took me away to calm me down. My dad ordered her out of the room. He told me things were going to change. 'You're going to start doing some work around here,' he'd told me. 'Make yourself more useful. The servants will give you something to do.' So I did."  
  
"No of course not. It always happened if I didn't do something right, or if I said the wrong thing ... you know. Things like that. I guess I deserved it a majority of the time."  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
"Because it's true. Are we done now?"  
  
"Well Rinoa I think it'd be best if we pressed on a little more," she said. "If you quit now it'll be harder to come back to it. We may not even discuss it again." That's the point, duh.  
  
I sighed, "Okay. I'll talk a little more but that's it. A few of the servants didn't like me, or, at least they treated me like shit when my dad was around. I think they wanted to get on his good side or something, you know. They liked to play little pranks on me. My revenge on them backfired and they got me even worse. It was little things. Told me wrong things to give guests, tripped me a few times, broke a few things and blamed it on me. I suppose you wonder why that's so bad. Well it was during a meeting, in front of important guests. He was even more ashamed of me. Oh did I get a punishment that night. I had bruises on my face and arms. It was painful but not the worst."  
  
"What was the worst?"  
  
"No, I'm done. Maybe next time or maybe not at all."  
  
"Alright. I wont push you. You've talked a lot today."  
  
"Unfortunately," I said. "I feel exhausted. I really didn't do that much. Now I have to make the walk to the ..."  
  
"What? Rinoa, what's wrong?" she asked.  
  
"I just had a weird dream last night. If you walk me to the bridge. I'll tell you about it." She agreed and I stuck to my word. I also added that I had been thinking about what it'd be like to jump in front of a train and I had no idea what it was I needed to tell Squall.  
  
"You probably do. Maybe it's something you need to think about it. You could've buried it within yourself."  
  
"What does that mean?" she dismissed the question because we came to the bridge. She left me with the others. Selphie hugged me then Quistis hugged both of us. I didn't know what to think and I just let my arms hang loosely around Selphie's shoulders.  
  
"I'm sorry about Seifer threatening you," Selphie whispered in my ear.  
  
"It's okay. Don't worry about it," I told her. When they let go of me, I leaned against the rail. "What have you guys been up to?"  
  
"Not much," Quistis said first. "Well, not me anyway. You know homeroom and all, helping Dr. Kadowaki at the infirmary. Just the same routine."  
  
Selphie spoke next, "I've been worrying about you and making plans to kill Seifer."  
  
"Same here," Zell said. "More training so I can help Selphie kick Seifer's ass next time I see him."  
  
Irvine sighed, "Trying to keep them calm the first few days was quite a job. Selphie was ready to run right after him as soon as she heard."  
  
"How do you guys know about that anyway?" I asked.  
  
Squall cleared his throat, "Dr. Christenson and I told them so if they saw Seifer, and they could keep an eye on him. Just in case he came after you and I wasn't around for some reason, they'd be there."  
  
"Oh, well thank you. You guys don't have to do that but I appreciate it." Squall put his hand on my shoulder. He's always doing things for me and I never do anything in return. But, what could I do for him? Rid him of me? That'd be a start. No more problematic Rinoa to pull him down. I let out a silent sigh, making sure no one heard it so they wouldn't ask me what's wrong. I listened to them converse with each other. I think Zell likes Quistis. Just the way they talk and look at each other makes me think there's something going on there. Selphie was holding onto Irvine's arm like if she let go, someone was going to die. Maybe it'd be me. Squall, I just noticed had his eyes fixed on me. He seemed to be studying me or something. I felt my face flush and I immediately lowered my gaze to the ground. When I saw the tracks, I got nervous so I stared at the house across the bridge. Quistis was asking me something.  
  
"I- I'm sorry," I stuttered.  
  
"I said, 'When are you going to come back to Garden?' I hope soon. Believe it or not, we all miss you," she told me. I felt like I was being lied to. Ever since I saw Seifer with that girl I've had trouble deciphering the truth from the lie.  
  
"I don't know when. Maybe in a few days or something." She nodded and they tried to include me in on the conversation. I keep drifting off though. This all seemed surreal. Having a conversation with all of them about meaningless things. For a moment it seemed as if none of us had anything to worry about. I almost had a sense of comfort run through me. Everyone was smiling except Squall. I joined them to change that.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
That's it for chapter four. Trust me there will be more. 


	5. A Fight With Squall and Seifer

It was a few days before we went back to Garden. Squall told me if I ever needed something to just ask. Seifer was waiting in our room for me. As soon as I entered the doorway, he grabbed a hold of my hair. I yelped in surprise. Someone heard because footsteps rushed toward this room. Seifer shut the door and locked it. Like a scared, beaten dog, I cowered in the corner. Seifer approached me and struck me across the face. "You stupid bitch!" he started yelling. "Are you against me now or something? Why wouldn't you tell them to let me in?"  
  
I decided to confront him. "I saw you with another girl," I said quietly. "I saw you at the bar with her. I know you're messing around with her."  
  
"I wouldn't have to mess around if you didn't have those disgusting scars! Your stunt to get everyone to pay attention to you is just pathetic! Why doesn't Dr. Christenson just admit you to an asylum and get over it?! God knows you're going to end up there anyway." I tried to run but he grabbed a hold of my arm and twisted it behind my back. Someone was banging on the door. Seifer hit me hard enough to crack my lip open. The door flew open and Squall pulled me away from Seifer. Seifer grinned. "Go ahead and take her, Squall. She's probably the best you can get." Squall just growled and lead me out to the hall.  
  
"Maybe you should find someone else to stay with tonight," Squall said.  
  
I said, "No. I should go apologize to Seifer."  
  
"Are you serious?" I nodded. "Rinoa, what the hell is wrong with you?! He just beat you up and you want to apologize?! You don't need to apologize to him."  
  
"Squall, it's not necessary for you to get into this."  
  
"I'm not going to stand back and watch him treat you like that! You may have been able to convince the others to do that but I wont."  
  
I sighed, feeling like crying for some reason, "Why are you doing this?"  
  
"I care about you, Rinoa. I really do. But I guess that doesn't matter because the only one you see is Seifer. And no offense but it's a little sad that you put all your love into someone that doesn't give a shit and you ignore the people who do." He hadn't been looking at me the whole time he talked. Then he left me by the fountain and I felt lonlier than ever. I stayed in Selphie's room that night.  
  
The next day, sometime after I apologized to Seifer, Dr. Christenson paid me a visit. We started talking about my dad again. "So," Dr. Christenson said, "are you going to tell me what the worst thing he did to you was? Do you feel comfortable telling me?"  
  
"It's fine," I told her. "It wasn't physical, i mean, he didn't hit me or anything. He got mad at me for something- I can't remember what. Anyway, all my mom's things were stored in the attic after she died. Sometimes I would go up there and look at it when I got upset. Then, like I said, my dad got mad at me. He found me in the attic going through mom's jewelry and started yelling at me. He was quiet for a few seconds then he smiled. I fought with him over the dresses. I guess he did hit me 'cause I remember falling backwards on the floor. Well, anyway, he had all the servants help him burn mom's things. A lot of them weren't happy about it but what could they do? I cried and watched the fire consume everything. I only have one thing left of her now. This." I held up my necklace with one of her rings on it. "It's just a plain ring. One of the girls I helped clean rooms gave it to me. She said she found it on the bottom of mom's jewelry box. I was happy when she gave it to me but I still can't believe all those memories of her are gone ... How could he do that?! That was his wife for God's sake! He's supposed to love her and miss her company. Instead he acts like he lost nothing more than garbage." At that moment I burst into tears. All these emotions just rushed out of me all at once. I felt Dr. Christenson's hand on mine.  
  
When I was calmer, she said, "Rinoa, do you have any idea why you felt your dad held you responsible for your mother's death? Do you remember telling me that? You said he always blamed you." I nodded.  
  
"I don't know why. He just needed someone to blame I guess and he hates me so it works. Can we talk about something else for a while? I wanna talk a little about my dream ... and Squall. He hasn't spoke to me since yesterday."  
  
"What happened yesterday?"  
  
"We sort of got in a fight." I explained everything to her, what Seifer had done, what Squall had said. "I don't understand why he was so mad. I really don't want to be on bad terms with Seifer. Something bad could happen, you know. Anyway I apologized to him this morning so everything's fine." I paused for a second, trying to think then said, "Oh. What about my dream? I still, uh, I'm still not sure what I wanted to tell him."  
  
She said, "How close are you to Squall? How would you define your relationship with him?"  
  
"He's my best friend. I feel like I can tell him just about anything. I don't like that he worries about me all the time. He shouldn't be bothering himself with my problems. It's a waste of his time. I'm never going to change and he'd be better off if I wasn't around. Everyone would. Then they wouldn't have stupid needy Rinoa to pull them down."  
  
"You think you're pulling them down? Why?"  
  
"What do you mean why? If they didn't have to worry about me, they could go on with their lives. They could be happy. Squall could be happy."  
  
"They don't have to worry about you. They worry because you're their friend. They do care about you, Rinoa. I want you to think about it 'til our next session. Okay?"  
  
After that, I went to the Training Center to blow off some steam. I wasn't really mad at anyone, in fact, I'm not mad at all. I'm just in the mood to fight. When I came in, I heard the familiar sound of bells swinging along to the beat of footsteps. Squall's here. I wasn't sure if I should go talk to him or not. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. "So what are you going to do?" Zell's voice rang out. I hid behind one of the rocks. Squall and Zell were finishing off some monsters together.  
  
Squall sighed, "I have no idea. I'm sick of Seifer treating her like shit and getting away with it. Can't she see he doesn't care?"  
  
Zell shrugged. "Hey, do you know why she tried to drown herself that one day?"  
  
"Nope. She was going to tell me and then just didn't. I don't want to pester her about it though. She'll be pissed."  
  
"Aren't you two already fighting?"  
  
"Sort of. I kinda flipped out on her yesterday. She- she always acts like we don't care about her. Seifer's always beating her up and she thinks he loves her. God Zell, if hurting her is showing love then the rest of us must hate her."  
  
Zell agreed, "I suppose if that's the way she pictures it. Let's go back to training. Try to relax a little."  
  
So that was how Squall felt about me, about Seifer and I. In a way, he's right. I should treat them better and trust them more but lately things have been really weird. Suddenly I feel like a horrible person again. I wanted to do something for Squall to apologize. God I'm such an idiot! Seifer's right. It's pathetic that I always try to make people pay attention to me. Isn't that what I was trying to do? Seifer's usually right. An idea came to me. Squall's "sister". He was so sad when she disappeared. Maybe she was alive and maybe I could find her. Maybe then he wouldn't be so mad at me anymore. He might even forgive me completely. To start, maybe Edea could give me a few tips, hopefully.  
  
I took the elevator up to Headmaster Cid's office. He was kind enough to let me speak to her in private. She smiled and asked, "What can I help you with, Rinoa?"  
  
"I'm looking for someone," I told her. "A girl. I'm not sure of her name but Squall called her-"  
  
"Sis?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Her real name is Ellone. She came to the orphanage when her mother died. She was five or six at the time. A baby came with her, a boy by the name of Squall. Ellone always looked after him."  
  
"So, they're really related then?"  
  
She said, "Yes. I'm not sure if he knows or not. All the kids looked up to her and called her 'sis'. Anyway a few years before I took the kids here, a man named Laguna Loire picked her up. I guess he'd been looking for her. She's probably with him now."  
  
"Do you have any idea where they might be?"  
  
"No. I think the man was part of the Galbadian Army if that's any help. I wish I could help you more."  
  
"That's fine. You've helped me a lot actually." I decided I'd leave to check out Deling in the morning.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
PLEASE READ THIS: Here's the thing, I'm leaving Sunday morning for about four days for a short vacation. So I wont be able to update for a while. I'll try to get a new chapter up before I go but I can't promised anything. 


	6. Ellone

Sorry for the wait people. Thank you for the review, sdakerrigan. I'm doing the best I can with accuracy, there is one chapter I know I forgot some stuff on but I'll say something when I put it up. Thanks for all the positive support.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
In the morning I train hopped until I reached Deling. I was a little nervous when I first arrived but I knew it was highly unlikely that my dad would find me there. I decided to walk instead of riding in the "public transportation" cars. I never liked those things. As I made my way down the street, I felt as though I'd never been here before. I had forgotten how beautiful it was. The buildings seemed to glow beautifully like they were taunting me, telling me to come see what's inside. I don't have time to explore though. The search for this girl, Ellone, could take up a lot of time. I finally reached the house I was looking for and knocked. A woman opened the door. She looked like she was in her late forties, early fifties. She's a few inches taller then me. Her blonde hair was shimmering and I figured it was dyed. "Hello, Ms. Davidson," I said sweetly. "It's me, Rinoa. Julia's daughter." My mom and Ms. Davidson were best friends. She blamed my mother's death on my father.  
  
"Oh Rinoa, how good of you to come by," she said. "Come in, come in." She opened the door wider so I could step in. I came to this woman because she knows everyone who lives here or who has lived here. I figured if Laguna Loire lived here, she'd be the one to know. "Take a seat. How have you been dear?"  
  
"I've been-" I thought about my incident and the scars on my arms. "Fine. I'm fine. How about you?"  
  
"Good, when I don't see your father. Were you coming by to visit him?"  
  
"Um, no actually. I came to ask you a question. Have you ever heard of someone by the name of Laguna Loire? Does that sound familiar to you at all?"  
  
She paused a minute before saying, "I do. He was around the hotel quite a bit when he was in the Galbadian Army. He was acquainted with your mother. Anyway, he left one day and I haven't seen him since."  
  
"Well, what does he look like? Do you remember?"  
  
"He had black hair about shoulder length, kind blue eyes and a beautiful smile. I'm sorry. I don't know where he is now?"  
  
"It's fine. Thank you." I left a little while after that. Okay, so I still have no idea where to find him. I guess I could just check everywhere. It would take while but it might work. I decided to look through the next big place. Dollet. Dollet is another great place I wish I could explore. I certainly wasn't looking in the bar. That was obvious. I started by asking the hotel lady. Well, you know, he could've been there at one point. Anyway, she said she'd never heard of him or Ellone for that matter. But she also recommended that I go over to the building across from the painter's house. I had no idea who "the painter" was so she had to explain where it was. The place apparently holds records of all the people that've ever lived in Dollet. That'll be hell to go through. The man there had to help me.  
  
"Do you know if Laguna Loire lives here?" I asked. The old man stepped into another room. More than five minutes later, I got tired of standing around and took a seat on a chair. This is going to take forever. I hope it wont be this long at the other places.  
  
After a little more than a half hour, the man came back out and said there was no record of such a person. I sighed and took a train back to Timber. I really should go check Esthar but how the hell would I get there? I could walk if I have to. In Timber I stopped at a run-down house and knocked. This is the home of my friends Zone and Watts. They let me stay with them for a month before I finally decided to go to Balamb Garden. Watts answered the door. I had forgotten how tall he was. "Hey Watts," I said. "I need your help."  
  
He opened the door wider saying, "Come in, sir." I don't know why but he always had the habit of calling everyone "Sir". The house was like one big closet, or the living room is anyway. All Watts and Zone's belongings were spread all over the place. "What do you need help with sir?"  
  
"Well I'm looking for someone and I thought you could help me. There's this girl, Ellone and her father, maybe, Laguna Loire. I need to find at least one of them although my main objective is to find the girl."  
  
"Let me go get Zone, sir. Oh and sir? Are you okay?" I nodded and Watts walked off. As I tried to make myself a spot to sit, Watts called back to me, "You can come in here, sir." I followed the sound of his voice and found them sitting at a computer.  
  
"What's the girl's name?" Zone asked as he typed.  
  
"Ellone," I said. "I don't know the last name."  
  
"We can narrow it down if we have to. Let's see ..." He stared at the screen, clicking the mouse every once in a while. He was quiet for a long time and I was beginning to get worried. What would I do if this girl was never found? Not find her obviously. My hopes began to wear thin. "Okay, it looks like she's living in Winhill with a Laguna Loire. Does that sound right?"  
  
"Yes. Thank you."  
  
"In order to get there you're going to have to get a car. No trains run through that town. It's north west of here. Shouldn't be too hard to find. You can borrow a car from us. We don't need it." I hugged and thanked them both before taking off in the car.  
  
I've only driven a few times in my life. I'm nervous just sitting in the driver's seat. I shifted into drive and made my way out of Timber. It's an unsteady drive. I have no idea where this place is. Trying to find a place based on instinct isn't very reassuring. There is no road leading to Winhill. You just have to drive on the grass and hope for the best. For a while I thought I was lost but then the tiny town came into view. It was smaller than Timber and more country-like (not that Timber was supposed to be a country or anything). I decided to park near the entrance and walk the rest of the way. I was surprised that people didn't stop to stare at this new stranger. In a way, I was happy they didn't. A few of them said hello to me as I passed. I felt like I belonged, it was nice. I got to a mansion in town and realized that Zone didn't tell me which house Ellone or Laguna lived in. I found someone to ask.  
  
"Excuse me," I said to an old woman passing by. "I'm looking for Laguna Loire. Do you know what house he lives in?"  
  
She squinted at me and pointed to a tall house on my left saying, "He lives there. Go ahead and go in. You'll find him upstairs, he wont mind. Have you been in an accident?"  
  
"Um, no. Thanks." I opened the door and stuck my head in. "Hello? Anyone home?"  
  
"Up here," a male voice called from the second floor. I stepped inside, shutting the door behind me. Small tables were set up around the room. Behind the counter on some shelves were dusty bottles. This was probably the town's bar. The people here must not use it much but that can be a good thing. I went up the stairs into a living room. The man Ms. Davidson tried to describe was sitting on a small couch. A woman with short brown hair sat in the corner, painting. "What do you need?" the man asked.  
  
"Are you Laguna Loire?"  
  
"Yeah, I am. Can I help you with something?"  
  
"My name is Rinoa. I'm looking for a girl named Ellone."  
  
The woman in the corner stood and said, "That's me but ... I don't know you."  
  
"No you don't and I don't know you. I came because Squall-"  
  
"You know Squall?"  
  
I nodded. "Yes, he's one of my best friends. His birthday is coming up and I thought having you two see each other would make him happy. I know he misses you. He says so all the time. Would you like to come back with me to see him? I can bring you home again later?"  
  
"Yes. I'd love to come. It's getting dark though. Why don't you stay over for tonight? Then we can get to know each other a little." I agreed and we spent most of the day talking. She told me about her and Squall's mother, Raine. "She used to run a bar, as you may have noticed. Not many people drink alcohol. Mainly they came to hang around and talk. Almost like a family getting together at Thanksgiving."  
  
I said, "So what happened? I mean, how did you end up in the orphanage?"  
  
"My mom died while Laguna was gone," she told me. "She had a baby at that time. No one knew what to do with us. A lot of people around here are elderly. They decided to send us to the orphanage. And I don't blame them for it at all. They didn't know when Laguna was coming back or if he even would. When he finally did come to get me, it was in the middle of the night. Was asleep and never saw Squall again."  
  
"Well, you get to see him tomorrow." I felt happier. Squall was going to have a great present that I hope would make him forgive me. I didn't feel like such a horrible person and I hadn't needed the release brought upon me by making blood flow. Tomorrow, however, would be different. 


	7. Ellone's Visit

I need a little help. If anyone would like to e-mail me and suggest what kind of ending they'd like to see (happy, sad, average, you know) that'd be great. I got one suggestion. I'm just curious as to what everyone else will say. Thanks.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Today is August twenty third and it's unusually hot. I say unusually because it's never been this bad but later I decided it fit my mood. The trip back to Garden was long and silent. Thankfully the silence wasn't uncomfortable. That would've made things worse. At Timber I brought Zone his car back and led Ellone on the train to Balamb. When we finally reached our destination, we headed straight for Squall's room. "I have a surprise for you," I said as I knocked. He opened the door and I stepped aside to reveal his "long lost" sister. "Happy Birthday." Squall just stood there for a moment, stunned. Ellone said hi to him. Then she hugged him. A wave of anger flooded through me. Maybe jealousy too but I don't know why I'd be jealous. I felt like a horrid person once again. Apparently everyone in our circle of friends, with the exception of Irvine and me, was at the orphanage with her. Seifer wasn't there but I know he wouldn't have cared anyway. Irvine and I were left in the dark. I don't know about him but I sure as hell felt ignored. The spotlight was on Ellone. Eventually we, Irvine and I, decided to leave them in the cafeteria to talk amongst themselves and sit on the stage in the Quad.  
  
A few people were there setting up for God knows what but no one seemed to be bothered by our presence. Irvine asked me how things were going with Seifer. I shrugged. "He's cheating on me," I admitted. "You're the first to know besides Selphie. Don't tell anyone else. I just don't think I can handle their lectures."  
  
He said, "Okay, I wont. But, I am going to say that when you find the strength to leave him, do it. That'll be our compromise."  
  
"Deal." I thought about everyone surrounding Ellone and scoffed, "You'd think she was a celebrity or something."  
  
He laughed, "No kidding. She's a childhood friend though. They just missed her. I'm sure they're glad she isn't just a memory." A memory, huh? I wonder if anyone would bother themselves with memories of me when I die. How does it feel hovering above your friends as a spirit, listening to the things they say about you? 'Well so and so was good at this, that and the other thing.' I know what I would hear: 'I can't believe she's finally gone. Damn that took forever. She was such a pest. Always trying to get us to feel sorry for her. Too bad she didn't die sooner. Just thinking about it made tears sting my eyes and caused my vision to blur. I turned my head so Irvine wouldn't see. I would rather not give any of them another reason to hate me by crying right now.  
  
I cleared my throat and said, "So, what happened while I was gone yesterday?" What I was really asking was: Did anyone notice I wasn't there yesterday?  
  
"Not a lot. Seifer and Squall got in another one of their fights for some unknown reason but that's about it." Wow did that hurt. But what was I expecting him to say? 'We were so worried about you that we dropped what we were doing and formed a search party.' Or how about: 'Oh Rinoa, we missed you so much we had to look for each other for support.' I guess what I expected to hear- what I'd hoped to hear was this: 'We wondered where you ran off to.' It wouldn't have to be dramatic and maybe they DID wonder. Maybe he just didn't feel it was all the important to mention bu ti would've liked the comfort of hearing it. Is that selfish?  
  
When we went back, they still had their focus on Ellone. I was starting to get frustrated. Squall looked at her like she was the only thing in the world, the best thing. I'm a horrible person but at this point I don't care. Ellone can't just come and take over. That's not why I brought her here. I decided that maybe I should have a talk with her. Just to set things straight. For now I sat at the table with them. Squall caught me glaring at him a few times and mouthed, "What?" to me. I only held his gaze until he looked away. When Quisits, Zell, and Selphie decided to show Ellone around, Squall pulled me aside. "Rinoa. Why are you mad at me?" he asked.  
  
"Ellone is not the only person in the world," I snapped. We both had our voices low.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"You're all crowded around her like she's a fucking Goddess or something."  
  
"Rinoa, please don't do this. I just- ..." His voice trailed off because we both heard a familiar laugh. Seifer was back.  
  
"And I'm sure you've seen the scars in her," he was saying. "Repulsive, I think." He was attempting to flirt with Ellone by verbally attacking me. She didn't seem amused. I couldn't help but burst into tears. Squall took one look at me and charged at Seifer. My vision became so blurry I didn't see what happened. I heard the sounds of them hitting each other and Selphie yelling frantically. Squall told Seifer to leave. He must've 'cause everything was silent except for my sobs. I felt an arm go around my shoulders and I was led to a dorm, Squall's dorm. He told me to sit down as he shut the door behind him.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked.  
  
I shook my head and answered, "He said my scars were repulsive. My scars are part of me. Saying they're repulsive hurts more than ..." I stopped. I had to. I'm so pathetic and weak sitting here, bawling in front of Squall. That's probably the worst thing Seifer's ever said to me. He's basically just insulted my while life. My scars are like my memories, my stories. Squall kneeled down in front of me. He made me look at him. My sobs turned into silent tears.  
  
"Your scars aren't repulsive." He pushed one of my arm warmers back and lightly kissed one of the scars on my wrist. I tilted his head up so I could look at him then we kissed. It felt like my first kiss because for a moment I was happy. Every time I kissed Seifer, it seemed as though I only did it because we're going out. That's what couples do. So we did, but I don't think he did it out of love. It started out that way for me; it's different now though. But I can't do this. Gently I pushed Squall away.  
  
"Squall, I absolutely have nothing against you. I would gladly continue this- however, I'm not like Seifer. I have no intention of cheating on him."  
  
"... He cheated on you?"  
  
I nodded. "That day I threw myself in the water at Dollet, I saw him with another girl in the bar. They were discussing when he was going to leave me for that other girl." He pulled me into his arms. I felt safe.  
  
"I'm so sorry Rinoa. I had no idea. You deserve better than that."  
  
"No I don't."  
  
"How can you say that? Of course you do. What makes you think otherwise?"  
  
"I'm a horrible person. All I do is try to make people pay attention to me. I'm selfish."  
  
"Seifer said that, didn't he?" I hesitated before nodding. "Sounds like something he'd say. Rinoa, if you want to know something about yourself, you have to listen to yourself. You can't listen to everyone else's opinion because no one knows everything about you. I can't tell you what's right for you. What happens in your life is your decision. Not everyone else's." That night, I cut my arm but the scar was smaller than usual. 


	8. Discussing Squall

Ellone left after three days. I took her home and on the way, I decided to have that talk with her. My quote-unquote evil side kicked in and I said, "That was so cute the way you were getting everyone to focus on you."  
  
She said, "What?"  
  
"Oh you know what I'm talking about. Don't play dumb. Having everyone focus on you so they ignore me and Irvine."  
  
"Rinoa, what are you talking about?"  
  
"You want to take Squall away from us. You want him all to yourself, don't you?"  
  
"He's my brother! I don't want to take him away from anyone. I haven't seen any of them in years, that's all. I'm not trying to do anything."  
  
I sighed, the horrible person inside me vanished, "I know Ellone. I'm sorry, I really am. I don't know what I was thinking. Please forgive me."  
  
"It's okay," she said.  
  
"No it's not. I'm a horrible person and it'd be better for everyone if I just died."  
  
"Don't say that. Your friends care very much about you. They wouldn't want you to die, especially not Squall. Squall cares a lot about you, I know he does. He was furious at Seifer. What a creep he was. Squall hates him."  
  
"Yeah, Squall and Seifer don't like each other. As far as I know, they never have."  
  
"They've been fighting since they were in the orphanage. They always were so competitive with each other. Squall would get so mad, it was a little funny sometimes. I remember once Seifer challenged Squall to a race to the beach and Seifer cheated somehow. I think he tripped him or something. Anyways, Squall was so mad for the rest of the day. I thought it was sort of funny because Squall kept calling Seifer 'Seifer the cheater'. He must've been about six at the time." I smiled trying to picture little Squall. How cute. We said our goodbyes when we came to the town. I apologized again and she told me not to worry about it. then I went home. Seifer was waiting in our room for me. I heard his voice and took off. He just wanted to punish me, I knew that. So I went to the cafeteria. Quistis was there as well. I took a seat next to her.  
  
She said, "Hey Rinoa. How ya doing?"  
  
"I'm fine," I told her. "I'm a little embarrassed by Seifer's little scene with Ellone. Kind of ashamed too."  
  
"Don't worry about him. He's a jerk, you know that. No one usually listens to what he says. Anyway, you've got nothing to be ashamed of."  
  
"Yes I do. You and I both know that. Well ... what are YOUR plans for the day?"  
  
"Actually Zell and I were going to make a trip to Esthar. We're going to spend the weekend there. It'll be fun."  
  
"I bet it will." I couldn't help feeling a tinge of jealousy. Seifer would never take me anywhere. He's never been the romantic type. Oh well. She went on telling me about their plans for the weekend. She asked what I was going to do. I said, "Other than a few sessions with Dr. Christenson, nothing really. I'll probably just hang around with Selphie."  
  
"I think she's leaving too."  
  
"Really? I didn't know that. I hope you all have a great time." Dr. Christenson came to see me later that day. We talked a little more about my dad which stirred a memory in me. He sometimes told my mom it was a mistake having me. Apparently having me ruptured their relationship. Maybe, somehow, having a child gave my mom the strength to leave. Could that be why he blamed me? I ran this idea by dr. Christenson.  
  
She said, "Possibly. Rinoa, let's switch gears a little. Let's talk a bit about Seifer."  
  
"Okay. What do you want me to say?"  
  
"What comes to mind when you hear his name?"  
  
"I think about my dad- only because I made both of them mad so easy."  
  
"Rinoa, you may make people mad but they have no right to hit you. You should know that. What else do you think about?"  
  
I shrugged and said, "Sometimes I get scared thinking about him. He's not a bad person and I wish we could understand each other. He's so emotionally detached..."  
  
"What do you wish you could improve on in your relationship?"  
  
"... Everything."  
  
"Does he love you? Do you love him?"  
  
Something inside me went off and I just blurted out, "I love Squall." I was more shocked by this statement than she was. I sighed, no point in pretending. It feels so right to say it. I nodded. "I think I may be in love with Squall. What should I do?"  
  
"Does anyone else know?"  
  
"No. I don't know why I just yelled it out like that. God I'm so stupid! I can't leave Seifer. I don't want to hurt him."  
  
"Do you mean you don't want him to hurt you?"  
  
"No! ... Well, partly- but I don't want to hurt him either. I was in love with him once ... I really was. I don't know what went wrong."  
  
"If you decide to break things off with him but you're still scared, bring something to defend yourself. You know, like pepper spray. Or you could have someone with you. I just don't want you to get hurt, okay?" I nodded. Pepper spray would probably be the best idea. He'd be humiliated and even angrier if someone came with. I don't want to humiliate him. I feel like a horrid person just thinking about it. Dr. Christenson asked me to tell her about my incident.  
  
"Don't you already know about this?"  
  
"Yes, but I want to hear YOUR point of view on it. Start from the beginning of the day."  
  
I sighed, "Okay. I'll have to think about it a little bit. I forgot most of it or 'blocked it out'. Whatever you want to call it." It took a few minutes to come to me. "I remember that it was just a regular day. It was a weekend so there was no homeroom, there isn't on weekends. I decided to go read in the library for a while. As I was looking, I heard- "I paused. Things I had forgotten were surfacing. This would not have a good outcome. I know I'll be in tears at the end. "I, uh, I heard some girls talking with their voices low at a table in the back. One of them said Seifer's name so I put my full concentration on eavesdropping. 'He's having me stay with him tonight,' one of them said. 'His girlfriend is staying at Balamb Hotel with a friend.' Immediately I went to Selphie and canceled our plan. We decided to spy. That night we stayed in her room until we heard footsteps approach Seifer's room. Five minutes later we crouched by the door, cringing at the giggling and plotting revenge ... at least Selphie was."  
  
I can't believe I can just forget things like that. Maybe Dr. Christenson is right, maybe I do bury things within myself. But why? I'll have to ask when I finish talking. If I still feel up to it. I continued, "I was completely appalled and heart broken. I told Selphie I had to go. She was too busy eavesdropping though. I was feeling ... different, not like me at all. I kept hearing my heartbeat in my ears. Anways, somehow, i managed to end up in the Training Center with a knife in my hand. I just started cutting. I made scars everywhere, cutting right through my clothes. Obviously you can still see the ones on my face ..." I never said where I had scars and where I didn't. My stomach hurt talking about this. "Squall found me passed out. Why? Why would I forget all these things?"  
  
She said, "Well these were traumatic times for you. It's not unnatural to bury things like that because you don't want to believe it happened, at least that's how it sounds in this case." I started crying. She hugged me and told me today's session was over.  
  
-- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Are you ready for the twist in the story? 


	9. Disaster

I don't know how things got this bad. This morning, after my session with Dr. Christenson I was determined to break it off with Seifer. We just weren't meant for each other. I found him packing when I came in our room. He threw my bag full of clothes at me and told me we were leaving. He didn't tell me where we were going exactly. In Balamb we boarded a train. I got the opportunity to slip my knife out of the pocket hidden in my backpack and under the cloth of my arm warmer. Eventually, we came to the hotel in Dollet. The whole day was odd. Seifer was being nice and it was great until I found out the reason behind it. He'd over heard me talking to Dr. Christenson about leaving him. I have to admit when he finally told me; I was a little scared he was going to pummel me. He didn't ... at first. He was begging me not to leave. I spoke gently to him, "Seifer, I'm sorry. I have to. We aren't meant for each other. You- you can do so much better," He can too. He kissed me but it wasn't out of love. His lips pressed against mine like he was forcing himself to do it. It was an attempt to get me to stay. It wasn't working. "Seifer, please don't make this anymore difficult than it already is. Please."  
  
Seifer said, "Why do you want to leave anyway?"  
  
"Because you ... you obviously don't need me if you have someone else. If it makes you happy, we can tell everyone you left me. I just can't stay with you. Anyway, I think I might ... be..."  
  
"This has to do with Squall doesn't it?" I didn't answer, it was hardly necessary. He guessed it. "Have you been fucking around with Squall, Rinoa?"  
  
"No. Of course I haven't. I wouldn't do that to you. I couldn't." He just laughed. He doesn't believe me. "Seifer," I said firmly. "I did NOT do anything with Squall. I swear it to you. I would never do that." This just seemed to anger him. Why doesn't he believe me? What did I do? Oh no, I forgot to bring pepper spray. I have my knife but I don't want to hurt him. I decided I'd only use it if there were no other means of escape. He grabbed my hair.  
  
"Rinoa," he said. "It's not smart to lie to me. I didn't lie to you, did I?"  
  
"No but you never mentioned your other girlfriends either." He tugged on my hair. I blinked tears back and kept my voice calm, "Can't we just forget about it? You can easily find someone better, someone without scars all over their body. Someone with more respect for you." Oops. I didn't mean it like that. I thought maybe he'd listen to me then but he took it the wrong way. He threw me against the wall. I was trapped in a small corner.  
  
"Is that what this is all about? You're trying to make a fool of me? You don't respect me?"  
  
"No, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant-" He hit me, cutting me off. I kept my mouth shut. He would kill me if I gave him a reason to. He started yelling at me, saying I ruined everything with my "little incident" in the Training Center. I didn't want to take that. "No," I said quietly. "I may have ruined everything but it was with YOUR help. That was the day I found out you were cheating on me. But I didn't ant to believe it so I pushed it out. I- I should've left sooner. We're no good for each other." I put my hands over my head in defense. He grabbed my arm and I yelped. As he dragged me across the floor, I must have reacted because the next thing I know, his arm was bleeding. It wasn't bad but it was enough to notice. He saw the knife in my hand. When he reached out to hit me, I got scared and acted on impulse. I was horrified when I realized I had stabbed him. He held his hand over the wound. I headed for the door but he threw me back down.  
  
Seifer said, "Rinoa, give me the knife." I shook my head. "Give me the knife!" What would he do with the knife if I gave it to him? I was afraid to find out so I didn't. He tried to grab my hair again. I screamed and lashed out. I can't remember what happened after that really. I know I told the receptionist to call an ambulance. Not only did one arrive but so did the police. Now I sit in the chair, waiting to be questioned. I didn't want it to end up like this. If I could take it back...  
  
One of the investigators approached me. He asked me what happened so I told him. He told another officer it was self-defense then he let me use the phone to call Squall. When he came to get me, he hugged me. I couldn't help but cry. I should've just run. It's all my fault. I'm such a horrible, stupid person. As soon as she saw me, Selphie hugged me. I didn't sleep that night; instead I sat on the balcony of the Training Center. I kept trying to tell myself it was a bad dream but I knew it wasn't. Squall sat down next to me. "Are you okay?" he asked me.  
  
I forced myself to speak, "Yes I just wish- ... I didn't want that to happen. I wish I could change it. I'm the one who should be dead."  
  
"No, Rinoa, don't say that. He attacked you, you had to defend yourself."  
  
"I still killed him!" I hid my face in my hands. He put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me. Neither of us said anymore because we both knew it was best not to. We stayed out there all night. Squall fell asleep sitting against the wall but I didn't. I couldn't get to sleep.  
  
Selphie found me in the morning and told me Quistis said I didn't have to come to homeroom. That made me feel better. I don't think I could've handled that. Everyone would've stared, whispered, and asked questions. Yeah, that'd been too much. Squall was waiting for me by the entrance of the Training Center. On the way to his room, he told me Dr. Christenson was planning on coming 'round to see me later tonight. Good. I need someone to gush out on. Someone called my name just as we reached Squall's room. The voice sounded familiar. It was that girl I heard in the library the day of my "episode". I never forgot her voice. Squall and I turned around. The girl came up to me, got in my face and said, "You'd better say goodbye to your friends because I'm going to see you put in jail for murder." Squall told her to leave. I need to find a lawyer. This'll be one hell of a fight. 


	10. Time Together

Okay, - I forgot that when someone is accused of murder, the police take them into custody after I wrote this and I was too lazy to add it in so... - sorry.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Dr. Christenson and Squall helped me get a lawyer. I knew that Seifer's girlfriend would do her damnedest to frame me for his murder. Okay, I DID kill him but I didn't mean to. I just wanted to get away from him. Dr. Christenson said it sounded like self-defense when I told her what had happened. If I could bring him back, I would and not for my protection. I feel completely horrid. I had no intention of killing him. If it wasn't for me, he could've lived up to so much. Poor Seifer. I had to tell my new lawyer, Mrs. Kitley," my version" of the story. She asked me a few questions on my relationship with Seifer before deciding she felt confident she could help me. She also asked me to throw out the names of a few witnesses to the abuse. I gave her some of my friends's names. I told her that Edea had known Seifer since he was little. She wrote the names down, told me not to worry, and said goodbye as I left with Dr. Christenson. Squall was waiting for us outside, along with a crowd of reporters. They all asked the same question: "Did you do it?" Squall and Dr. Christenson told them I had no comment. I hid my face in Squall's jacket as we made our way to the train.  
  
From Deling we got to Esthar, having to switch from train to car on the way. Dr. Christenson had a house there she let me hide in for a while. Squall went back to Garden but stayed in touch the whole time I was gone. Selphie wrote me a letter and had it sent to Dr. Christenson's office just incase. I stayed in hiding for a week. The first few days I didn't leave the house at all. After that I felt like going outside. I'd never been to Esthar before so I wanted to explore a little. The day I went out, I tied my hair back, wore lose fitting clothes, and a baseball cap. I had to ask people how to get to the shopping center. The directions were confusing but I got there. I didn't see any reporters. So far so good. I didn't buy anything because one, I don't have any money, and two there wasn't anything I wanted. Just looking around was fun.  
  
At the end of the week the court date was announced. The trial would start next weekend. I wasn't exactly thrilled. Squall met me at Fisherman's Horizon. He told me my lawyer told him he would probably have to testify and the prosecutor would probably say bad things about me. She told me this before too. Squall hugged me and kissed my forehead as he told me not to worry about it. I couldn't help crying a little. I felt like a loser but Squall just tried to comfort me. He's such a sweet heart. He spent most of the day taking me various places, trying to get me to relax. We went to a small restraunt to eat. I didn't eat much because lately I've had no appetite. Squall asked me what I was going to do after the trial. "You mean if I don't get put away," I said.  
  
He told me to forget about it, "You'll be fine. Nothing's going to happen to you. So, what will you do?"  
  
I shrugged. "Go back to Garden. If you're thinking my life is going to be completely altered, it wont- I mean, other than missing Seifer a great deal. I DID still care about him even if I wasn't in love with him anymore."  
  
Squall's eyes met mine. "You weren't?"  
  
"No but let's talk about that later." I was afraid someone was going to use what I had to tell Squall against me in court. Maybe that's what my dream had been referring to. Maybe I wanted to tell Squall I- oh, better not even think it. For all I know, there could be some new device that lets you read other people's mind. I'd better be careful about what I say and do.  
  
"They're questioning pretty much everybody that had contact with Seifer," he told me after a few minutes. "They'll probably question Headmaster Cid too. That's my guess anyway." It fell quiet again because I didn't know what to say. Apparently he didn't either. "Not much to talk about, huh?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Squall. I can't talk here. Someone could-"  
  
He nodded. "I understand. We can talk later. You gettin' Selphie's letters?"  
  
"Yeah." After a while we walked to Timber. It wasn't a fun walk but we managed. When we finally arrived at Garden, that girl and her friends shouted things at me as I made my way to my room. Why can't they just leave me alone? I guess I should've expected this but I was hoping... I flopped on my bed and just lay there. What would happen after the trial if I wasn't convicted? I'd probably have people yelling at me for the rest of my life. You know what's kind of funny about this? The girl here at Garden that's so set on seeing me convicted WASN'T the girl I saw the Seifer at Dollet that one day. I wonder what she'd think of that if I told her. She probably wouldn't believe me. Oh well. Fuck her. Squall came in and shut the door behind him. He asked me if I was okay. I said, "I feel as good as I'm going to, which isn't much at all. Are YOU okay?"  
  
He smiled. "Why are you asking me? I'm fine. You're the one that has to deal with all this shit."  
  
"I bet anything you'll have to too."  
  
"Don't bother me," he said with a shrug. "As long as they leave you alone. If you need anything I'll be here to help you out." I got off my bed and hugged him. He's always been so sweet to me. It wasn't long before we started kissing. I felt a little guilty because I ought to be grieving over Seifer but Squall made me feel needed. That's not a feeling I want to ignore. Despite what you may think, nothing happened. Other than kissing once in a while and me asking him to stay in my room with me, it didn't go anywhere. We didn't even talk. We just lay in bed and held me 'til we both fell asleep.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
This was another short chapter, but after this they'll be longer. 


	11. Beginning the Questioning

Well Karaoke Risa, you've got a good point. It didn't have a lot of dialogue. The problem is, for some of it I couldn't think of what to say so I summed it up ;). I'll try to throw in more though, kay?  
  
Oh yeah, I don't know a lot about trials and stuff so bear with me. Anyone is welcome to point out something that needs changing.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
I sat in with my lawyer at the trial. I had to wear my favorite cream- colored dress. I didn't have anything better and I thought it'd be a little inappropriate to wear my regular clothes. I felt out of place because my dress is for formal parties, not murder trials. Each lawyer had an opening statement. None of my friends were in the room; most of them would be questioned later. It all started with Dr. Christenson. Mrs. Kitley, my lawyer, asked her if I seemed violent. She answered, "If she was going to commit any act of violent behavior it'd be toward herself. Plus she isn't the type to go out and hurt someone."  
  
"You say her father hit her? Did she tell you this?" Mrs. Kitley asked.  
  
"Yes she did. It started verbal when she was a kid then when she'd grown up it turned physical."  
  
"Did she ever talk about Seifer?"  
  
"A few times, yes."  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
"Well, she said that he hit her, cheated on her, threatened her when she was in the hospital, and that their relationship wasn't very good."  
  
"What did she think of him hitting her?"  
  
"That she deserved it."  
  
"No further questions."  
  
Mr. Riley, the prosecutor, stood and said, "As a psychiatrist it's part of your job to keep certain things confidential. But this was an act of violence inflicted on your patient. Did you not report it?"  
  
"Actually I did. Her father, General Caraway intercepted the complaint and threatened to hurt her if I didn't keep quiet," Dr. Christenson said. This was news to me. I had no idea she spoke to my father at all. I wonder what he thought when she told him.  
  
"Earlier you said that the defendant wasn't the type to go out and hurt someone. Is that your PERSONAL opinion?"  
  
"Personal and professional." She was let off the stand a little while later. Mrs. Kitley called her next witness, Selphie. Selphie walked in looking more nervous than ever. She was sworn in and sat down. We held each other's gaze for a minute. Silently I wished her the best of luck.  
  
Mrs. Kitley began, "I understand you've been good friends with Rinoa since she came here about a year ago. How did she appear when you first met her?"  
  
"Well," Selphie said, "she was nice and seemed pretty happy."  
  
"And how was she after she started dating Seifer?"  
  
"Sad, always blaming herself. She stayed in my room a lot because of their fights. Then the incident occurred."  
  
"What exactly is the 'incident'?"  
  
"Um, she, uh, cut herself up. You can still see the scars on her face, arms, and legs."  
  
"Was there any certain reason for this?"  
  
Selphie shifted, looked at me, and answered, "We were spying on Seifer and he was with another girl."  
  
"Let's back track a little. Did you witness any of the fights between Rinoa and Seifer? If so, what kind of fights were they?"  
  
"I can't honestly say I've witnessed their fights but I have seen bruises on her. I HAVE heard him attack her with words though. He told someone that Rinoa's scars were repulsive and she was hurt by this."  
  
"No further questions." Mrs. Kitley sat down and Mr. Riley got up.  
  
He said, "You say you've never witnessed the fights between the defendant and the deceased?"  
  
"That's correct," Selphie said.  
  
"So then how do you know for sure it was the deceased who hit her?"  
  
"Are you suggesting she did it herself?"  
  
"No of course not. But, anyone else could have done it right?"  
  
"Yes I suppose so. Although I can't think of any reason why any of US would want to hurt her. Then again, none of us have short tempers..."  
  
"You also said the deceased was with another girl when you spied on him. Did you SEE this girl?"  
  
"Nope. Heard her voice through the door. Heard both of them."  
  
"No further questions."  
  
The next person to take the stand was Quistis. She described Seifer's personality. She was asked how she would describe me. She answered, "Quiet. In the beginning she seemed confident and curious. After a while of being with Seifer she was careful about what she said and did." She also mentioned he'd lied to me about her sending him off on an errand. I don't know what kind of questions Mr. Riley asked. His words were drowned out by my heartbeat in my ears. I became blank and concentrated on the table. A nurse's voice brought me out of my trance.  
  
She was talking about Seifer, "...and was extremely hostile. It took five of us to hold him."  
  
Mrs. Kitley said, "Did he make any threats to Rinoa?"  
  
"I'D call it a threat."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"He said something like 'I'll take care of you when you get home.' It might not be word for word but it was to that extent."  
  
"Thank you. No more questions."  
Mr. Riley said, "No questions your honor." After one of the doctors took the stand, I got to go home. The trial would continue the next morning. Squall was waiting in the hall for me.  
  
Squall insisted on having me stay in his room. I agreed and told him I just wanted to get something from my room, which was not entirely a lie. I shut the door and sat on the floor. The knife stored under my pillow served me some comfort. When that was done, I headed back to Squall's room. He ended up wrapping my arm up for me. He worries too much but that's why I like him. He's such a sweet heart.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Was that any better? I tried :). There is more to come. 


	12. A Surprise Witness

I'm open to any suggestions any of you might have to help improve the story so don't be afraid to speak up. I appreciate the reviews.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Edea and Headmaster Cid took the stand today. Edea described how Seifer was during childhood. Apparently he had a habit of attacking the other kids in the orphanage. She recalled one time when he attacked Selphie though Selphie would tell me later she remembered little about it. They questioned the receptionist, the investigators, and the girl at Garden who allegedly had a short term affair with Seifer. She accused me of attacking her but couldn't hold her story straight when questioned about it several times. Then Ms. Davidson was brought in. "You were friends with Rinoa's mother Julia, correct?" Mrs. Kitley started.  
  
"Yes, that's right," Ms. Davidson answered.  
  
"Did you ever notice any violence within the home?"  
  
"Yes. Julia came over a few times with bruises on her face. She had me help with make up."  
  
"Did you ever see any bruises on Rinoa?"  
  
"When she was about three or four, Julia brought Rinoa over and she had an usual bruise on her knuckles. Julia said her father got mad at Rinoa and rapped her knuckles with a fork."  
  
"Do you think Rinoa would intentionally lash out in a violent way?"  
  
"No I don't believe so."  
  
They questioned a few of my father's servants as well.  
  
"Did you ever witness anything unusual in Mr. Caraway's house?" Mrs. Kitley asked.  
  
"Yes," a servant said. "I remember quite a few times when the child was 'punished'. I was hired a long while after his wife passed on but I heard things from the others."  
  
"What kind of punishments are we talking? Spankings? Grounding?"  
  
"No, it was more severe than that. I remember one time she had bruises on her face and arms. She apparently embarrassed him in front of important guests. I remember seeing him drag her off to another room and hearing him yelling at her. She was crying in the corner when he left."  
  
Something unexpected happened next. They brought my father in. He was questioned first by Mr. Riley. He asked what I was like as a child. My dad responded, "Disobedient, worthless, and weak." I don't know why he said I was disobedient. I don't remember ever refusing to do something. Oh well.  
  
Mr. Riley said, "What made you decide to send her to Garden?"  
  
"I didn't. She ran off. I sent people off to look for her but they didn't find her." This was another new thing to me. "If I would've know she was going to do something like this, we would've looked harder." I suppose they brought up the fact that I ran off so they could make me out to be a rebel. Even if I was-though I'm not- not all rebels are dangerous. There were a few more questions but I didn't listen. It was all lies to paint a bad picture of me anyways. Now it was our turn.  
  
Mrs. Kitley started with a question about my mother, "Did you ever fight with your wife, Mr. Caraway?"  
  
"We had ... arguments."  
  
"And what do you mean by that exactly?"  
  
"We had a few bad conversations, little fights."  
  
"Did you ever hit your wife?"  
  
"No," he lied.  
  
She reminded him, "You are under oath, Mr. Caraway."  
  
"Yes I know that."  
  
"People have testified that she had bruises on her face from YOUR hands."  
  
"Objection," Mr. Riley said loudly. "This is irrelevant to the case."  
  
"Your honor this will lead up to it if you allow me to finish."  
  
"Overruled," the judge said.  
  
"Do you have any idea how your wife got those bruises on her face?"  
  
"No," my dad answered calmly.  
  
"Have you ever hit your daughter?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you realize that we've had three people tell us otherwise? Two of them say they witnessed it. Somebody is lying ... I'm going to ask you again. Did you ever hit your daughter?"  
  
"Maybe once."  
  
"Is it true that you burned all your wife's stuff in front of your daughter?" The scene replayed in my mind, I felt tears come to my eyes.  
  
"Yes I DID burn it."  
  
"You hit her and destroyed all her memories of her mother, wouldn't that give her good reason to leave home?"  
  
"I didn't hit her."  
  
"You didn't hit her? You just told me you might have hit her once. Mr. Caraway, I want you to look at your daughter and tell me you've never intentionally tried to hurt her and she left because she was disobedient." He looked at me and I couldn't hold back the tears. They came down silently. He looked old, tired, and sad. I really wanted to turn away but I couldn't force myself to do so. Inside my head I was asking why he was trying to get me thrown in jail. Did he hate me that much? Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me but I swear I saw the slight glint of a tear in his eye. I held his gaze until Mrs. Kitley said, "No further questions." 


	13. Taking the Stand

Being in court caused me to have more scars on my arms. Squall started sharing a room with me. He comforted me when I woke up crying over Seifer. I wish with all my heart I could bring him back. Squall kissed me on the forehead and told me he'd probably have to take the stand tomorrow. He did too. Mr. Riley tried to make it seem as though we were having an affair or something. "How would you describe your relationship with the defendant?" he asked.  
  
Squall said, "We're good friends."  
  
"And your relationship with the deceased?"  
  
"We didn't get along. I didn't like him and he didn't like me."  
  
"Have you ever had any type of physical relationship with the defendant?"  
  
"No. I just hugged her when she was upset." Maybe it's a good thing he didn't mention that we kissed. Mr. Riley could turn it into something totally wrong.  
  
"Never kissed her or anything?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You're under oath."  
  
Squall said, "Yes, I know. I didn't do anything to her."  
  
"Alright." He continued firing questions, "Did the defendant ever talk about killing the deceased?"  
  
"Objection," Mrs. Kitley interrupted.  
  
The judge said, "Sustained."  
  
Mr. Riley rephrased it, "Did she ever talk about being violent to the deceased?"  
  
Squall said, "No. If she ever said anything about him at all it was that she was afraid he was mad at her. That's it."  
  
"Has she ever tried to get involved with you physically?"  
  
"No. Sorry to disappoint you."  
  
Mr. Riley seemed slightly frustrated. "No more questions."  
  
Mrs. Kitley stood up and said, "Do you think Rinoa is violent?"  
  
Squall said, "No."  
  
"Did you ever witness any violence between Rinoa and Seifer?"  
  
"Yes I did. Seifer locked her in their room and when I got in he was beating on her so I took her out there. She ended up apologizing to him later anyway though." He looked at me for a brief second then back at Mrs. Kitley. Is he still mad about that?  
  
"How did she react to other problems like that?"  
  
"She seemed to blame herself. I think sometimes she thought she wasn't good enough for him."  
  
"How long have you known Seifer?"  
  
"Since we were kids. We went to the orphanage together."  
  
"Tell us a little about him if you would."  
  
"He was very competitive. Always made everything into a game and did what ever he could to win. I remember him attacking Selphie. She'd gotten something from Edea. It was like candy or something small, you know. She got it because she won a little game and Seifer was mad because he wanted it. No, that's not true. He just didn't want to accept that someone had shown him up. So he jumped her. It's kind of ridiculous when I think about it but ... that was just how he was."  
  
"Why do you think the fights occurred between Seifer and Rinoa?"  
  
"My guess would probably be she didn't do something he told her to. She said something even the simplest thing that he didn't like. He took everything personal."  
  
"No further questions." He was excused and as he passed me by he gave me a look meant to wish me luck. After an investigator was my turn. I was the last one. Unfortunately Mr. Riley was to question me first. I know if I don't pay close attention he could trick me into saying something I really didn't want to say.  
  
"Ms. Heartilly, I'd like you to tell the jury what happened in your own words," he told me.  
  
I said, "Well, during my session with Dr. Christenson, we talked about me leaving Seifer. She told me if I was afraid of him to bring something to defend myself, like pepper spray. Before I could get anything he took me off to Dollet. I managed to get my little knife from my back pack."  
  
"So this was premeditated?"  
  
"No. I never thought I'd use it. He dragged me across the floor and I just reacted. I remember he wasn't bleeding much. He tried to hit me; I panicked again. Then he told me to give him the knife and I didn't because I was afraid he'd kill me if I did. I remember screaming 'cause he was coming to hit me again... I never wanted to hurt him. Oh God." I started crying. I couldn't help it. "I'm sorry," I choked out. The judge called a short recess so I could get the chance to calm down. Squall let me cry in his jacket. Mr. Riley passed by us.  
  
"You're a very good actress," he said to me. "But I can see right through your act."  
  
Squall growled, "If you knew her at all you wouldn't be saying that." He just smiled and walked away. Squall stroked my hair. He's so nice to me. I don't know why though. I'm such a bad person.  
  
When we went back in the courtroom, I wasn't crying anymore but my eyes stung. I had to get back on the stand. Mr. Riley wasn't done with me. "How often were you supposedly hit by the deceased?" he asked.  
  
I have to admit, I was a little offended by the tone of his voice but I didn't show it in mine. "Whenever he got mad at me," I said. "I can't give you an exact number if that's what you're asking for. I guess I'd have to say about four or five times a week."  
  
"Did you try to report this anyone?"  
  
"No...I didn't. No one would be able to do anything anyway. He'd just get me even worse."  
  
"What was your reason for wanting to leave him? Because he hit you?"  
  
"No. He was cheating on me so it was clear he didn't need me anymore, and I-..."  
  
He was intrigued now. "And you what, Ms. Heartilly?"  
  
I stared at the floor as I said, "And I fell in love with Squall."  
  
"Is that why you killed Seifer?"  
  
"No, I-"  
  
"Objection," Mrs. Kitley yelled. "He's leading the witness."  
  
The judge said, "Sustained."  
  
Mr. Riley continued, "So you want the jury to believe that you didn't kill the deceased on purpose?"  
  
I sighed, "I can't tell them what to believe but, if I could take it back I would. I never meant to hurt him. I never wanted that to happen."  
  
"No further questions."  
  
Mrs. Kitley asked me about Seifer, about me, about our relationship, about my friendship with Squall, my father, and my incidents. It was painful but I managed. Every word I spoke was the truth. Lying wouldn't do any good. I knew that so I didn't try it with either of them. When I was finally able to get down, they did their closing arguments. Mr. Riley tried to convince the jury that I attempted to hide my real reason for killing Seifer with self-defense and that I actually did it so I could be with "Mr. Leonhart".  
  
Mrs. Kitley said, "Rinoa put up with Seifer everyday because she loved him. Like most bused women she felt she deserved it and she thought he loved her. Instead he beat her, cheated on her, and made her feel small. But she till tried to stick with him. Then when she finally gets the strength to leave, when she finally tells him, he attacks her. Now I ask you this, what would YOU do in this situation? Talking didn't work and there was no way out. Even the investigators believe it was self-defense. The man had a history of hurting people. And we all heard Mr. Leonhart say that Seifer always wanted to be the winner. How far would he have gone to 'win' that fight? Anyone in that situation would've fought to stay alive and that is what she did. Rinoa Heartilly fought for her life. It was purely self- defense." The jury was dismissed.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
I know a lot of the court things weren't accurate but I did my best. If there is anything you feel needs to be changed, please let me know. New chapter soon. 


	14. The Verdict

Some part when Rinoa is by herself is a little weird, but I thought it'd be good to put some of her thoughts in this one, you know?  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
The jury was out for a while. In the mean time, I sat out in the hallway with the others. Quistis told me she was confident I'd be fine. I wish I could be as positive as she is. I bet I'm going to hang or be electrocuted. Selphie told me not to worry but she looked nervous. Irvine said, "If you have to do any time at all, I'm sure it wont be much." Selphie hit him. "What? She'll probably be fine but I'm just saying." Squall didn't say anything he just held my hand. I wanted to talk about something other than the trial so I asked Zell how he was doing. He looked a little surprised.  
  
"Me?" he said. "I'm fine. Just a little bored I guess. What about you?"  
  
I laughed a little, "Nervous. I don't want to even think about it. Do you guys think I did it on purpose?"  
  
Quistis said, "I think you did what you had to do, and by that I mean, you just defended yourself. We know how violent Seifer was. I hope they see it too."  
  
It took about three maybe four hours for the jury to come to a decision. Everyone took their seats. What's going to happen to me? The judge told me to stand. Then he asked the jury if they had reached a verdict. One got out of their seat and said, "We have." He instructed the man to read it. "We the jury find the defendant, Ms. Rinoa Heartilly, not guilty." Suddenly all my friends were hugging me. I'm not going to die. I don't have to spend an eternity in jail. I started crying on Squall's shoulder. Nothing's going to happen to me. I'll be okay.  
  
- - - -  
  
A few days later, a funeral service was held at Garden for Seifer. I sniffled as I listened to what people had to say about him. The girl that told me I was going to jail for Seifer's murder said a few things too. But; she was forced off by Headmaster Cid when she started yelling ugly things about me. It was my turn to go up. I approached cautiously and took a deep breath before I began, "I loved Seifer very much and I wish he was still here. He was the type that could do anything if he put his mind to it. He was a very proud person with a strong personality. He had a lot of potential. I wish him the best where ever he is now. We'll miss you and treasure your memory." I stepped down and listened to the last few people.  
  
Dr. Christenson told me that I needed to rest for a while. She wouldn't be back to see me for a week. I was too exhausted to feel anything about it. I spent the rest of the day in my room, going over everything. I DO still think I love Squall but I miss Seifer a little too. It sounds crazy but I can't lie to myself. Someone once said that you never actually completely lose love for a past boyfriend or girlfriend. A small part of you still cares for them, and I find that to be true. It'd explain my feelings anyway. I never thought about it before but I wonder why Squall likes me. I mean, what's there to like? I don't even want to think about it. It's depressing. I wonder what's going to happen now. Will I have a future with Squall or will I end up alone sometime later? All these thoughts are upsetting me. Think of something happy... That's not working. Okay, I'll just go to sleep.  
  
- - - -  
  
That didn't turn out to help much either. I'm not sure what my dream was about but I think Seifer was in it. Anyway I woke up crying. When I finally calmed down, I realized it was dark outside. Good time to wander around. No one was in the hall. I sat on the balcony in the Training Center and stared at the stars. Everyone seems to think if you wish on a star-a shining star, a falling star, whatever- it will come true. I think if you really want something, you got to make it happen. You can't depend on a star; you have to do it yourself. That's just the way it is. When I was little, I always thought my life would end up like a fairy tale. You know, fall in love with "prince charming", live in a beautiful house, have kids and forever be happy. I wish I still believed that because maybe if I did, it would happen.  
  
I spent all morning sitting there and all afternoon too. I listened to the voices of people coming in to train. Even Quistis and Zell came around together at one point. An instructor with a student. They're not exactly dating but that's still got to be a controversial relationship. I wonder if they have to sneak around to see each other. In a way it'd be kind of exciting while nerve-racking at the same time. Would that ruin a relationship or make it stronger? If it were me in that situation, I'd crack. I wouldn't be able to handle it.  
  
When I cam out of the Training Center into the hall, Zell told me he had something to show me. I followed him to the Quad. Selphie, Squall, Quistis, and Irvine were there. Selphie said, "This is your 'You Didn't Get Convicted' party. I know it's not a great title but..." she shrugged and we both laughed. The party was basically just everyone talking together. It was fun. Selphie said we should all share-embarrassing stories about each other or ourselves. Quistis started with one about Zell accidentally going into the girl's bathroom because he turned too sharp on his "T-Board". Zell had one on Quistis and said a student blackmailed her. She refused to say why but I think we all had our ideas. Like I said, exciting and stressful. Selphie said, "When we were in the orphanage, when I was about six, I wrote love letters to Zell but didn't sign them."  
  
Zell said, "That was you?"  
  
"Yeah," she laughed. "I liked you for about a week." Irvine kept insisting he didn't have a good one so Selphie let him pass. But she told us she knew Squall had one. He denied it. She said, "Come on, Squall. If you don't tell them, I'll make Zell do it."  
  
Squall sighed, "Alright, alright, alright, alright. This isn't exactly embarrassing. It just pissed me off. I don't know why Selphie wants me to tell you-"  
  
"Just do it."  
  
"After I met Rinoa for the first time..." He rushed through the last part, "I told Zell I thought she was pretty and Seifer heard me and made fun of me and then he was dating her not long later." He sighed.  
  
Selphie and Quistis went, "Awww."  
  
"Shut up." They just laughed. "Alright that's enough. "Whose turn is it now?"  
  
"I think it's mine," I said.  
  
"You don't have to do it," Squall told me. Selphie said something in agreement. I feel like they're babying me or something. I'm not a kid.  
  
"I can do it. Just give me a minute to think of something." Hm, what to say? My mind was totally blank. I didn't really have anything to share. I have bad things that happened to me but that's it. ... Wait a sec. I got something. "Okay, I got one. When I was talking to Dr. Christenson about Seifer, I just blurted out that I was in love with Squall. I felt kind of stupid suddenly saying it like that."  
  
Selphie and Quistis said, "Aww" again. Squall told them to knock it off. We all stayed there doing stupid things until we were tired and wanted to go to bed. I asked Squall if I could stay in his room. He said, "Sure." We kissed each other a bit before we actually went to sleep.  
  
- - - - -  
  
I figure this verdict would work because there was this girl that burned her husband alive because he beat her and she wasn't found guilty. There's one more short chapter left. 


	15. A Year Later

This is very short. If you would please read my last paragraph to you guys.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
It took a long time before the comments finally stopped. I still get a few every once in a while but that didn't bother me as much. I went to visit Seifer's grave almost everyday. I felt I owed him that. Squall and Selphie alternate taking me there. I think it makes Squall uncomfortable but he won't talk about it. He said he's afraid of making me mad. No matter how many times I tell him it wont, he just doesn't budge. Oh well. Selphie said he'd probably eventually tell me.  
  
My birthday's been by recently. Selphie threw me a big party. She even had people from the Garden Festival Committee play my mom's song for me. I was wondering why she wanted me to hum it for her. I have to admit they did a really good job for going by my terrible humming. Dr. Christenson was there too. That was one of the best days ever because Squall officially made me his girlfriend. I make it sound like he gave me a membership card or something. I didn't get that but I DID get his ring. It's on my necklace with my mom's ring. I got something in the mail from my dad too. It was some piano pieces she'd written and a photograph of her holding me when I was a baby. Call me pathetic but I felt like crying when I saw that. Getting the package made me wonder if he regretted what he did to us. Part of me forgave him and part of me didn't. Selphie told me I looked like my mom.  
  
At my party, Selphie announced to everyone that her and Irvine were getting serious. They were going to get married. Quistis must've thought the same thing as me because she said, "Well that's great but you guys are only seventeen-eighteen. Problems could arise."  
  
"Don't worry," Selphie said. "We're going to wait a while- and don't say 'That could cause a problem too' 'cause I don't care. I know you're trying to be helpful and I'm not trying to be mean about it but... I don't know."  
  
"It's okay. I understand. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I'm happy for you though, really." I was too but kind of worried something bad would happen. Eventually I'd be proven wrong. Which is a good thing.  
  
Anyway, Quistis and Zell's "relationship" became more obvious to us but no one else. Maybe that's because we were the only ones suspicious. I don't know. Selphie bugged Quistis 'til she finally admitted it. We laughed and told her it wasn't a big deal, although, we couldn't help throwing out a few comments. She made some back at us too. We had fun just teasing each other. I still see Dr. Christenson once a week. We decided I'd go for a few more months before going on my own. She said I improved a lot. I make little scars on my arms when I get overstressed but that doesn't happen very much. I miss Seifer, I really do. I say it all the time but I wish I could undo all that. I still have a place for him but I'm in love with Squall. He's way to good to me, more than I deserve. I think things are going to get better.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
I know that was short but it was the end. Did I do okay? Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read this. I had a few inspirations I'd like to share that brought on this story: The Good Patient by Kristin Waterfield Duisberg, The River Road by Karen Osborn, and finally a story right from , Reign of Shadows by Dark Raion. Thanks again everyone, this is the only story I'm really proud of. Thank you, thank you, thank you. ï If anyone is interested, I'm working on another Final Fantasy 8 story and a Silent Hill 2 story while I go on a short weeks vacation. Just had to add that just incase. You're all wonderful, thanks again. This story would be nothing without you. 


End file.
